Watching Loved Ones Suffer

With a heart busted wide open, heavy and sorrowful I write this with raw emotion.
Past wrongs, family struggles, lives torn and worlds shattered, you know you have really really forgiven someone when your heart aches for their suffering. For years, I said I had let go but there is no way to prove that until tragedy is looming. By the world's words, he is gone but by God's there is always hope. Aching bleeding, crying out Oh Lord, we raise up prayers to you. You have to pry this from my hands God because I alone don't have what it takes to hand it over. Help me lay it at your feet. Bring us rest, bring us comfort and peace. This is what it's all about, coming together in love, even nearing the end... if it is truly the end. This life is full of pain, we were never meant to be here forever. Our bodies were created for heaven. So why do we fight death so? From deep sorrow great beauty is born if you let it. We are in the middle of a battle, a war for our souls and lives. The enemy is doing his best to obliterate us. How can it not tear me apart allowing God to reconstruct me? I don't want it. I don't think I can do this.
Watching my mom in all this is the most painful of all. Her husband and her son, both very sick. It's been a year of suffering and sadness, no, make that 35 years of suffering and sadness, it's just that this year surpasses all the rest. Very few of the choices leading me here have been my own, rather circumstances and happenstances- all too unfortunate. Lord, lift us up in the midst of this pain, embrace us with your love. Bring forth any possible good and focus our eyes on that, Lord and focus our eyes on you- all good comes from you. Where is the good?

2 Corinthians 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Psalms 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

I am trying to keep these words in mind, clinging to the only thing I know as truth at this moment. I have no idea why such pain is placed upon our hearts and bodies but I am trusting that God loves us even when it is so hard to believe. 

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


http://www.kandicemarie.com

Memoirs of a Five-Year Old

Ya'll, this is it. My son is an absolute mess every.single.day. I can't make this stuff up. I mumbled something about needing a bottomless mug of coffee one day and he didn't hear the coffee part (that I so desperately must have) apparently. He asked, "what is a bottomless mug, is that a person who has a fat and furry bottom?"

I should really put this on my Memoirs of a Four Year Old post, even though he is now five.

Anyway, this look is what I get anytime I tell him to do something that is not on his agenda. He basically pulls out his day planner each morning just to let me know what's on the schedge.

I really love passing on hidden gems so, moms and other photographers can find some of my favorite things in the world on Amazon at my Store.

The Greatest Things About Christmas (Week 1)

For those of you who keep up with me, you know I am an artsy photographer who LOVES decorating. It is only the most fantabulous time of year for that right now so I want to do a little post about my favorite Christmas items! Every week, I am going to do a post about goodies I have found to decorate with that I love and where to find them! There is nothing worse than seeing an awesome Pinterest idea and there is no link to buy one. Some weeks will be juicier than others!

I use these cuties (ok, close) and they are perfect! I did a shoot a week or so ago and there were these amazing little red cocoa mason jar mugs (also very similar, these red cocoa chalk board mugs.) The closest thing I could find to them this side of heaven are on Amazon. They are a MUST have for your little elves. We enjoy doing cocoa and Christmas three decorating by the fire as we sing along to Christmas music and really get into the spirit. If you are looking for fun kid-activities, these are for you.

Another thing I am super stoked about are our handmade Christmas stockings! Every family needs a set. They look so festive and they all go together. You could always splurge and order a different one for each family member OR just have the names added like I did. We are planning to begin a new tradition with our kids where everyone adds a small gift or notes and treats to each family member's stocking! This is a perfect activity to add to your Advent calendar.

I will definitely have some more goodies to let you know about next week in addition to some photos of my take on a sweet treat candy-land Christmas tree. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and Happy Black Friday shopping! You know I am going out!!

Sons and Daughters of the King

A note to fathers:                                                

In most cases, the type of man you are is the type of man your daughter will marry. If you have a daughter that you are trusting God to protect and grow up in a godly manner, you have to be the one willing to do the pointing. That doesn't happen on it's own and her journey getting there will be more joyful if you make the choice to lead in that. God created her, He knows whether she will choose Him, but He entrusted you with her delicate life and gave you the responsibility of equipping her for that journey. The tools you give her will pave the road to Jesus, making it crooked or straight decides how much hardship she will endure to get there.


"Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there". Matthew 19:14

Early in life, children look to their mother and father for every detail in their lives. Food, clothing, shelter, love, protection and life-lessons are things we as parents need to provide. This means that, from birth, they are completely dependent upon the parents' choices for every aspect of their growth and development, including both the spiritual and emotional. With this blessing and honor of being called parents comes a huge responsibility and lots of room for error but there is grace.

Make no mistake, grace is not a substitute for our initiative to grow.

Making the decision to follow Christ means allowing Him to take control of your life and follow His Spirit, He will never lead you astray. Choices to ignore His voice are possible but that only leads to growth being stunted and more suffering. Learn from mistakes and allow God's grace to transform you by being obedient to His calling.


Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Children desperately need their fathers, they watch the way he lives, they let it sink in. Since fathers are responsible for leading and giving children their identity, this is all the more reason for dads to be studying the word. They must lovingly lead children in such a way that reflects the love of Jesus.  There's an expression, "Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary, use words." This is especially true in parenting. God is known as our heavenly Father and He instructs us through His word and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Through their dads, boys need to be taught how to be bold, courageous and how to love. Little girls need to know that they are beautiful, valuable and loved by their heavenly Father (what love really looks like) so that they will not be deceived by the evil forces of the world.

There is an enemy battling for your child's heart every day. "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
Always be on guard for ways that the evil one tries to deceive your children, whether it be through worldly temptations, the godlessness, or sin nature. Their hearts need our protection and we need to be armed and ready with the truth of the word of God.


“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out."  Mark 9:42-43

There is a penalty for making little ones stumble, I believe this includes passivity and unbelief. Sometimes it's not about what we do but more about what we are not doing that can cause our children to stumble. God calls us to much more than sitting idle and being comfortable (neglecting to move forward spiritually.) We are called to be proactive, to set examples, get involved, pray fervently and live out a life of faith. If we are failing to put forth our best possible effort to place God at His rightful place in our lives, how then could we ever expect our hearts to overflow with goodness into the lives of our children?
I know this one is hard! Trying to figure out exactly what God wants us to do is a challenge.


"Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, no one is denying that. In those moments when we feel like the world is just about to spin right out of control, we have to ask the Holy Spirit to take the reigns. Sometimes this is not instant but it does activate God to start moving because we took a step of obedience to ask. Sometimes our faith is running low- smaller than a mustard seed low- but nonetheless, we have just enough faith to ask. God honors that. In those "out of control times," we must remember that these children ARE a gift from the LORD. They are treasured and they are His. In that moment when the kids have dumped an entire bowl of cornflakes and milk all over the floor, it can be hard to remember they are a blessing. Take a deep breath and remind yourself, "children are a gift from the Lord." If you need to walk away for bit, walk away. One wrong choice can define the rest of your day and even worse, could sit in your child's heart forever.

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." Matthew 18:10

Don't worry, mothers are SUPER important, not for a second discounting that. We will discuss that next week! Stay positive!


Children are such a delight, photographing them is my passion. To see photos and read my business page, visit my blog on my website.

http://www.kandicemarie.com

Nostalgia and a Complaint Button

I just want to go to this place. I feel it calling to me like words on a page. I know I have gotten a worthy image when I look at it and it makes me feel something. I "feel" like I am going to have to drive to the beach this weekend even if it is for only a day.

Random but did I ever mention how much I love that there is a Complain to Google button? I mean really, does this mean I can email them to let them know that the coffee I had this morning tasted like mud that had been baked in the hot South Carolina sun for six hours and that ruined the rest of my day? Or that the wrap I had at lunch was less than satisfying because they totally forgot the cream cheese that is usually on said wrap and way skimped on the turkey? Who do the complaints go to, bet that guy isn't very happy? Because that is all we really need is to have complete guiltless complaint freedom at our fingertips. Could it really be? If not, it would be a great service to offer. It's like free social media therapy and the person on the other end should be reading for pure entertainment, sympathy or just plain boredom. Let's be real here, I'd almost pay for that. Actually, I am sure God feels like our complaint button sometimes. Hmm...

God of wonder

Tonight was something. Something as in no other word really describes it. The spirit of the Lord was in Chapel. People gathered and the love was great. We came together, hearts heavy but present with mustard seed faith before a God Who is so much bigger. Is it enough to offer our broken lives to someone so great? No, but He accepts it. People worshiped Jesus and with hopeful hearts asked for His healing hand on a sweet boy who has had so much time stolen from him. My prayer is that God gives that time back and multiplies it. My prayer is that all this was not in vain but only to prepare this child to grow into a miracle warrior of faith, a living testimony of God's power touching every life he sees. God does not allow pain without something new being born (Isaiah 66.)

We never know what He is doing yet we just keep trusting that He is good and He loves us. And some days my eyes are closed. I pray that He helps me to see.

My favorite moments

I think I am consciously aware that I am unable to really live in the moment. I pray and try my hardest to absorb every second but it still feels like I am not quite present enough. I wonder that if some day I am going to deeply regret the very thing that is beyond my control or if I will embrace the photographs of those that are held so tightly in my heart.

This moment with Naava is forever etched in my mommy-mind. We had a girl's evening, pulling out all the girliest of things. We had tea and perfect toes (at least her's!) and polish all bathed in sunlight right there on the floor of the kitchen. I can still see her complete satisfaction with pulling out all the pretty colors and placing them out of the bag and back in. I long for that child-like entertainment.

I feel guilty when I don't manage to get some photos of them in a day because I know that is just another day I will never have back again, another day that they are older. I want to cherish every single day. 

http://www.kandicemarie.com

The Journey of the Rainbow

God is good.

I forget sometimes. With all the "you gotta do better" days and the "what were you thinking moments?" Being a mom is no joke when you're stuck in the wilderness. I feel like I have been wandering about for years...just praying for some fresh drink of water to quench this thirst. The need runs deep to be someone. To be something bigger than this. Too many moments, I have turned my face away from my identity, the one He gave me, The One Who saved me. I am so glad I am loved.

I fell off the business wagon for a while and forgot what I was made to do. I took an extended break but now is the time to move. I am ready to begin again and reach out and use my gifting. Brainstorming new ideas for business models has been a constant thing for me for the past few weeks. I am trying new things, taking chances, investing, building new friendships and letting go. Wait, letting go? Yes! I am letting go of fears and moving forward. I hope to meet other moms like me who just really need to be reminded who they are. My heart is to encourage others, inspiring a hope in them that something good is already happening.

Thank you for all who have supported me in this journey, read my words (as sparse as they have been) over the past five years. Thank you to all who have allowed me to share in their lives, photographing their sweet families. I love what I do. I am ready to do more. I am dancing around with the idea of offering photographic memberships which would allow you to have an opportunity for four shoots a year with me for one price. So, please don't be afraid to reach out and email me for more info on that. My goal is to put together a photo keepsake collection of memories (if that is a proper description) of the year for the families who sign up with me. I am excited about this but I am still working out all the details. Would love to talk to you.

 https://www.kandicemarie.com

http://www.kandicemarie.com and soon to have .com up and running too!

I guess we will never really know what is or isn't at the end of a rainbow, but we will have a grand story to tell about how we lived and the people we loved along the way in searching for it.

Self realization.

I am beginning to catch myself drift into a dream at random times of day. Those dreams consist of me with my new obsession, my couch. I get so few moments with it that I find myself looking for even two minute stretches of time to sneak over. I love it. It's my favorite thing. 

Ok no, my favorite thing is coffee. I have recently learned why. In my mind, I equate coffee with relaxation. So, even as I work ( non-stop really) I can grab a cup of warmth a create a false sense of relaxation. Not the most beneficial here, just something I discovered in my moments of desperation.