Watching Loved Ones Suffer

With a heart busted wide open, heavy and sorrowful I write this with raw emotion.
Past wrongs, family struggles, lives torn and worlds shattered, you know you have really really forgiven someone when your heart aches for their suffering. For years, I said I had let go but there is no way to prove that until tragedy is looming. By the world's words, he is gone but by God's there is always hope. Aching bleeding, crying out Oh Lord, we raise up prayers to you. You have to pry this from my hands God because I alone don't have what it takes to hand it over. Help me lay it at your feet. Bring us rest, bring us comfort and peace. This is what it's all about, coming together in love, even nearing the end... if it is truly the end. This life is full of pain, we were never meant to be here forever. Our bodies were created for heaven. So why do we fight death so? From deep sorrow great beauty is born if you let it. We are in the middle of a battle, a war for our souls and lives. The enemy is doing his best to obliterate us. How can it not tear me apart allowing God to reconstruct me? I don't want it. I don't think I can do this.
Watching my mom in all this is the most painful of all. Her husband and her son, both very sick. It's been a year of suffering and sadness, no, make that 35 years of suffering and sadness, it's just that this year surpasses all the rest. Very few of the choices leading me here have been my own, rather circumstances and happenstances- all too unfortunate. Lord, lift us up in the midst of this pain, embrace us with your love. Bring forth any possible good and focus our eyes on that, Lord and focus our eyes on you- all good comes from you. Where is the good?

2 Corinthians 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Psalms 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

I am trying to keep these words in mind, clinging to the only thing I know as truth at this moment. I have no idea why such pain is placed upon our hearts and bodies but I am trusting that God loves us even when it is so hard to believe. 

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


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Memoirs of a Five-Year Old

Ya'll, this is it. My son is an absolute mess every.single.day. I can't make this stuff up. I mumbled something about needing a bottomless mug of coffee one day and he didn't hear the coffee part (that I so desperately must have) apparently. He asked, "what is a bottomless mug, is that a person who has a fat and furry bottom?"

I should really put this on my Memoirs of a Four Year Old post, even though he is now five.

Anyway, this look is what I get anytime I tell him to do something that is not on his agenda. He basically pulls out his day planner each morning just to let me know what's on the schedge.

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